TEACHING CHILDREN RESPONSIBILITY
AND INDEPENDENCE
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http://www.parenting-ed.org/handout3/Specific%20Concerns%20and%20Problems/resp%20&%20ind.htm |
Children start
the drive toward independence at an early age. Some parents, accustomed to
meeting all of their children's needs, are reluctant to give in to their
children's demands for independence. However, this is the time for parents to
find the balance between letting their children begin to do things for
themselves and providing their children with the support and guidance they
need.
With this
increasing independence comes the ability for children to understand the
concept of responsibility. This is an excellent time for parents to begin
teaching responsibility to their children.
Here are some
things parents can do to foster responsibility and independence in their
children.
*Let your
children do things for themselves. Even very young children begin to show an
interest in doing things for themselves. Parents can encourage independence by
letting their children do things for themselves as soon as they express a
desire to do so. Parents should focus on effort and avoid being critical of the
end product. Parents should praise children for doing things on their own. As
children grow and mature, they will naturally want to do more and more for
themselves.
*Let your
children help with challenging tasks. Parents should encourage their children
to try to do new things and to face new challenges. This will certainly boost
children's sense of competence. Parents should be careful to choose tasks that
their children are able to accomplish.
*Encourage your
children to make decisions. Parents should start encouraging decision-making
while their children are young. At first, choices should be kept simple, like
allowing children to choose what to wear out of two outfits. As children get
older, parents should encourage them to make more and more complex decisions.
Children learn to make good choices by being given choices.
*Learn to model
responsibility and independence. Children learn by watching their parents. One
of the best ways for parents to teach their children to behave responsibly and
independently is by displaying those behaviors themselves. Parents should let
their children see them making decisions without wavering. Parents should let
their children see them taking care of responsibilities in an appropriate
manner.
*Help and
encourage your children to solve their own problems. Problem solving is a skill
that must be learned. Starting when children are young, parents should teach
their children problem-solving strategies. Parents should then encourage their
children to come up with their own solutions to their problems. The ability to
problem-solve is a skill that will be useful throughout children's lives. It
will also aid in the development of confidence and independence.
*Encourage your
children to take risks. Taking risks involves facing potential failure. Many
parents try to shield their children from the disappointment of failure. Such
parents may be doing their children a disservice. Children need to take risks
to grow. Children must experience failure in order to learn how to cope with
it.
*Be there to
provide support, when needed. Even the most independent-minded children need to
lean on their parents from time to time. Parents should make an effort to be
available to their children and to provide support when needed. Children who
know their parents will be there when they need them will have the confidence
needed to explore the world.
*Provide
adequate discipline. Children need structure in their lives to feel secure.
Appropriate discipline provides this structure. Children need to know what to
expect from their parents and what their parents expect from them. Consistent
discipline helps children learn about what's expected of them. Children who
know what to expect feel more in control of their lives and are thus more
likely to behave in responsible and independent ways.
*Praise your
children. Parents should provide their children with lots of praise when they
display responsible and independent behavior. Parents who praise such behavior
are letting their children know that they notice and appreciate their efforts.
*Give your
children responsibilities. Most children want to help their parents and to feel
needed. One of the best ways for children to learn how to behave responsibly is
to be given responsibilities. Parents can give their children responsibilities
in the form of chores. Parents should make sure that the chores assigned to
their children match their capabilities. Parents should also take the time to
show their children how to do their assigned tasks the correct way. Parents
should keep in mind, though;
that
how well their children perform a task is not as important as what their
children are learning about responsibility.
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